Healthy financial discussions throughout your marriage can start before the wedding bells toll. The topic of money is often taboo, but it’s been proven time after time that couples who are open with their finances, have similar financial goals, and communicate well when it comes to money management often maintain happier marriages. Believe it or not, learning how to have these open conversations about your finances doesn’t need to wait until you have rings on your fingers. In short: It’s never too early or too late to get on the same page. Here are some suggestions on how to start:
Dinner, Drinks, and Money Talk?
Asking for someone’s credit score on a first date is, of course, a recipe for disaster. But there can be fun, easy ways to discover whether your financial story is compatible with theirs. Ask “get to know you” questions like “If you received $10,000 right now, what would you do with it?” or “What is the craziest thing you’ve charged to your credit card?” or “If you suddenly lost your job, what would you cut out of your budget? What could you simply not live without?”
These fun questions can be great money-talk icebreakers no matter how long you’ve been married or in a committed relationship. And this light-hearted approach offers an opportunity to learn new things about each other. A recent study found that married people have fewer money-related conversations than any other type of couple, including those cohabiting, dating, or even separated. The sooner you can normalize discussing finances, the better footing you’ll have.
Before the Wedding Day
Planning for a wedding should include communication about money decisions for both before and after the nuptials. Most couples take on debt to pay for the wedding, ring and honeymoon. It’s not a great way to start a life together. And even if one half of the couple took on the bulk of that debt, it’s a burden you’ll both share moving forward, so be honest and work together to make big-ticket wedding purchases.
It’s also critical to be on the same page about everyday money issues—both big and small—as you begin your married life together: from what you’ll do with the gift checks that you’ll receive that day to your joint budget moving forward to even disclosing your credit scores, debt obligations, and savings.
For Richer or Poorer
A new marriage comes with a lot of paperwork. But it’s essential to get to these documents quickly, so they don’t complicate your financial standing. First thing’s first: Update your Social Security card if you’ve changed your name and then your driver’s license if you’ve had a name change and/or address change. Contact your credit union and other financial institutions, employer, insurance and retirement account providers, the post office, and creditors with the new information.
With these standard changes in place, it’s time to get back to the more complicated conversations. Talk to an attorney about a will and financial and medical directives. And discuss your tax withholdings and filing status with a reputable tax preparer. Contact the Credit Union and talk to a helpful representative about joint versus individual checking and savings accounts (remember, if you’re a CPS IBEW Federal Credit Union member, now they can be, too!). And address the assets and debts you now share. You may be able to consolidate debt through a personal loan, for instance. These strategies are an important step in safeguarding your money and legacy, regardless of how long you’ve been married or in a committed relationship.
Budgeting at this point is critical. You may want to establish a small amount of spending money you can each use without consulting the other—but make everything else a regular, open topic of discussion.
Generally speaking, most conflicts about money aren’t really about money. They’re about miscommunication and mistrust surrounding those money issues. Establish a solid foundation by being open, honest, and collaborative about meeting your financial goals together.
